Suicide survivor finds healing through unexpected outlet: women’s football

LAYTON — Nicole Attleson’s happy place is on the field.

Attleson is a linebacker for the Wasatch Warriors, Salt Lake City’s full-tackle women’s football team.

“It’s the outlet I didn’t know I needed,” Attleson said.

But it hasn’t been an easy journey. The Layton mom of two said in 2021, her depression spiraled her into a dark place.

“I was fighting a very, very big battle,” she said.

She attempted to take her own life.

“I was not able to get out of bed,” she recalled. “It was a constant, ‘Just kill yourself, just kill yourself, you’re better off not here.'”

Experts say 91% of Utahns are affected by suicide, whether they’ve attempted or experienced suicidal thoughts or lost somebody to suicide.

“People think of it as a normal way to deal with a set of problems,” said Michael Staley, suicide prevention research coordinator at the Office of the Medical Examiner. “That’s where we’ve got to promote better norms around seeking help, knowing that I’m not okay and I’m not going to be able to dig myself out of whatever I’m in all by myself.”

Attleson said she wanted to recover, but things didn’t change overnight.

“It was a grind of trying to make things better,” she said.

Then, she found something unexpected while scrolling one day on Facebook. She came across a post about a local women’s football league.

“I thought, you know, that might be interesting. I’ll go try a practice,” she said.

When the day came, she didn’t want to go. But her family rallied around her.

“They pretty much held my hand through it and did for a number of practices so I could get comfortable and out of my shell and out of my head,” she said. “It eventually turned into something I’m really good at and something I really love.”

Attleson said she’s finding healing through playing a sport she enjoys and from connecting with her teammates.

“We’re all different, and we come from different walks of life, but we meet on the field,” she said. “We care about each other. We are family.”

And she’s found a platform to talk about suicide and its effect on families.

“I talk about it in the locker room; I talk about it any chance I get because I was in that place of despair; I was in that pit,” she said.

She even wears a sticker on her helmet in honor of her friend’s teenage son, who died by suicide. She wants others to know that they are always enough.

“There needs to be more voices that say, ‘You’re worth it, you’re worth living. There are better days ahead,'” she said. “There is hope.”

If you’re interested in learning more about the Wasatch Warriors women’s football team, visit their website.

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Suicide prevention resources

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or exhibiting warning signs, call, text, or chat the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 which is answered 24/7/365 by crisis counselors at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute. All calls to legacy crisis hotlines, including the old National Suicide Prevention hotline, 1-800-273-8255, will also connect to a crisis care worker at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute as well.

Additional resources

• SafeUT: Parents, students, and educators can connect with a licensed crisis counselor through chat by downloading the SafeUT app or by calling 833-3SAFEUT (833-372-3388)
• SafeUT Frontline: First responders, including firefighters, law enforcement, EMS, and healthcare professionals can chat with a licensed crisis counselor at no cost 24/7/365 by downloading the SafeUT Frontline app.
• SafeUTNG: Members of the National Guard can chat with a licensed crisis counselor at no cost 24/7/365 by downloading the SafeUTNG app.
• Utah Warm Line: For non-crisis situations, when you need a listening ear as you heal and recover from a personal struggle, call 1-833 SPEAKUT 8:00 a.m.-11:00 p.m., 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
• The Huntsman Mental Health Institute offers a wide variety of programs and services including suicide prevention and crisis services, hospital treatment, therapy & medication management, substance Use & addiction recovery, child & teen programs, and maternal mental health services including birth trauma, pregnancy loss, infertility, and perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
• LiveOnUtah.org is a statewide effort to prevent suicide by promoting education, providing resources, and changing Utah’s culture around suicide and mental health. They offer resources for faith based groups, LGBTQ+, youth, employers, firearm suicide prevention, and crisis and treatment options.

Counties in Utah provide services for mental health and substance use disorders. Centers are run by the thirteen Local Mental Health and Substance Use Authorities all across the state and offer therapy, substance use disorder treatment, support groups, mobile services, youth treatment, and more.

These resources and more information can be found here: https://www.uacnet.org/behavioralhealth.

Other community-based resources

• NAMI Utah provides education, support and advocacy for individuals and families impacted by mental illness.
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers prevention programs, public education, support for loss survivors, and fundraising for research.
• Encircle Utah: LGBTQ+ family and youth resource center.
• Utah Pride Center empowers Utah’s diverse LGBTQ+ community.
• The Trevor Project: LGBTQ teen resource center.
• U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Mental Health
• Latino Behavioral Health Services
• Center for Workplace Mental Health offers suicide prevention and response for employers.