4 Survival Tips For Young Families Facing Emotional Stress, Strain

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah – Many Utah families are facing unimaginable levels of emotional stress and strain – especially those with young children.

Here’s some clear advice on how to survive in the chaos.

With four young children, life is crazy for Steve and Charla Ferguson. Two of their kids have special needs. And now, with Steve working longer, and therapy and school stopped, Charla has reached the brink.

“I thought, ‘If I can just get a load of dishes done, I will be happy with the day,'” said Charla, who lives with her family in Hurricane.

Their daughter, Rae, a twin, has autism. Her tantrums have intensified.

“Then I heard what sounded like some wood breaking,” Charla said. “She had put the back of her head through her bedroom door – twice. It was a complete rock-bottom spot.”

Charla took her feelings of desperation to social media saying: “I hate that I’m beginning to feel uncontrollable fear and weakness. I can literally FEEL it; I can feel the pieces of my soul that are breaking away…”

Charla said she was, “Just reaching out for help, because I felt so alone. It feels so isolated.”

Annie Deming, PhD, a licensed psychologist at Primary Children’s Hospital, said that Charla is not alone.

“All of us are feeling that we’re failing in so many different avenues right now,” she said.

Deming recommends first, redefine success

“I think we really need to shift our definition of what a good day looks like, and if we have time and are able to connect with our kids or our partner, friends or neighbors, in a way that feel really genuine and warm,” Deming said. “I think that needs to be more of the success measure.”

Second, have compassion for yourself and others

“Our family relationships, and our parent-child relationships, really should be rising to the top of our priority list right now,” Deming said. “It’s less important to have this power struggle with my child about their assignments.”

Also, practice self-care

“A bubble bath or shower gel, or you know, painting your nails, hiding in the bathroom for a minute with a magazine, to get that space and time to kind of reset,” Deming said, “and then you can go back and put on those multiple hats.”

Thousands of strangers commented on Charla’s post. Charla was surprised and delighted.

“So surprised,” she said. “So pleasantly, gratefully surprised.”

One of them dropped off bath salts.

“I have not been able to use them yet,” Charla said laughing. “But they’re there, and some frozen meals and a full tumbling mat for my four kids.”

Mindfulness like this can help with the most important step.

Accept and adjust to the new normal

“It’s a thinking process, kind of turning your mind to focus more on the positivity and the things that are going well, and the things that you’re grateful for,” Deming said, “preparing for the day when life will stabilize.”